Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Picture Perfect Perception

For quite some time now I've contemplated the level of personal information sharing I would dispense here.  Though I've always felt over-sharing isn't that cute, I make a miserable authority on hiding behind insecurities.  So I suppose this first self induced therapeutic post comes in the form of a message I want to share with you amazing readers.  Neither me, nor my life is perfect.  In fact, at most times these days I feel more or less off kilter (to put it lightly).  It hasn't always been this way, but I would say, given the circumstances, there has been an underlying case of the blues for the greater part of the last 12-18 months.... and I have no effing idea why.  Well, I have ideas, but in keeping the over-sharing to a minimum as aforementioned... I have many blessings, and I count them all, but that doesn't mean I have it all checked in perfect form.


I feel a strong desire to share this information with some of you as it has come to my attention that I may possibly be portraying the persona of having it all.  Not so long ago a good friend called to congratulate me on a Charlotte magazine award the Queen City Style received.  She went on to explain that she was recently at a gathering where some girls were asking “did you see that so and so Whitley was wearing” (on the Queen City Style)?  “Whitley, you are all the buzz,” my friend proceeded.  Immediately I felt insecure and shared that I hoped people were saying only nice things.  Soon after, someone (a male) who I am fairly close to by association, asked me in front of others, “So, I don’t get it; taking all of these pictures of yourself… ‘Hey, look at me!’  What is it you are trying to do?”  I get it.  I understand his lack of understanding, but the delivery of his message hurt.  I just want to put it out there that I am NOT a super confident person; quite the opposite, but that is how his comment made me feel I might be interpreted by someone who sees me here.  


On some minuscule level, I understand what it must be like for those famous people in magazines whose lives are judged, berated and torn apart based on perception.  I'm guilty of it.  Admittedly, I stand in the longest line at the supermarket just so I can get my fill of glamour sleaze and dish.  It's so totally intriguing to look and ponder.  But let me say this; I do not and will not judge.  Perhaps, however, this is a perfect example for my own insecurities, and so, if me or this fashion blog delivers some false sense of self or persona for having it all, I feel compelled to tell you I am filled with insecurities.  I do not think I am ugly, but I tend to think I am not all that pretty, not terribly bright and I have a lot of ground to gain as it pertains to worldly contributions.  The worst part about all of this, for me.... I know that confidence is far more attractive than a lack thereof.  I wish I did not care as much what others thought of me, but I do.  I want to be liked.  Being kind and doing nice things for others brings me joy.  Perhaps the reaction of thanks and approval serves as a source of validation.  I know it's what it is on the inside that matters.  I feel good about what is on my inside, but I'm just REALLY ready to make the morph from caterpillar to butterfly.


I am going to cut this for now, and perhaps come back later with more some other time.  I am not seeking your pity or praise.  I just want to share this side of myself with you, and I want you to know how much I appreciate you being here.  Your readership makes me happy beyond words.  I would love so much to meet each and every one of you, and so if you ever see me across the produce aisle or catch me in the check out line taking in a dose of someone else's picture perfect life, please introduce yourself and give me a hug!

I hope you are having a fabulous week!  All my lovin'... I send to you :) -Whitley

47 comments:

  1. Chin up Whitley! Lots of love from DXB!

    xx amy
    Leopard and Lillies

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  2. Thank you for sharing your insecurities with the rest of us! I must admit, I am guilty of being judgey when it comes to Korean girls who shamelessly take million pictures of themselves in coffee shops and what not, but I think part of it is that I am jealous that they are able to do that so shamelessly cause I am definitely very insecure and self-conscious. I sometimes wish I was more confident and not care that much about what others think. Your entry made me very thoughtful just now, so I'm going to go pondering .... thank you again, and keep up your awesome entries! Haters gonna hate, as they say.

    -liv
    http://chocolivlovelaugh.blogspot.kr/

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    1. Liv, I can't thank you enough for your kind words. Please just know how grateful I am. Thank you for reading, sharing and for being here.

      My best, Whitley

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  3. love old photos! these are way too great!

    XO Meghan
    citrusrefreshingfashion.blogspot.com

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  4. I think that as bloggers we invite criticism and self doubt. No one wants to be judged. There will always be someone prettier, more fashionable, younger that will have better photos, ideas and DIYS. The balance comes from within ourselves. We need to accept who and what we are and be okay with showing all of that to the public. If not, then we need to reconsider blogging. I struggled deciding whether or not I wanted to be judged on a daily basis by strangers. I still struggle with liking myself and what I see in the photos I put up. It's a daily challenge not to judge myself based on other bloggers. I need to repeat the mantra, I am unique, I am myself and that is enough. There will always be haters out there that will make you doubt yourself. Often times we are our own worst hater. Having the opportunity to address these issues while blogging is like forced therapy for overcoming the self doubt.

    Bisous
    Suzanne
    http://bisous.typepad.com/bisous/

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    1. Suzanne,

      Love, love your words and wisdom here. I am not so much discouraged by being judged by strangers, but by people I know... if that makes any sense. This post in and of itself has been therapeutic beyond measure, thanks to insightful feedback like yours. I am VERY grateful for your readership Suzanne!! Have a great weekend, Whitley

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  5. If I could my dear, I'd give you a big hug right now! You are never alone in those feelings. xo

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  6. I think you have tremendous guts and courage to be putting yourself out there with this blog. Some of my favorite things about being an adult - 1) never having to explain my choices to someone else if I don't want to and 2) deciding to move on from judgmental friendships whenever I want.
    Cheers to you!

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    1. Meghan,
      Thank you so much for this.... Your insight is very helpful. I am grateful for your taking the time to share. Thank you so much for being here! Best, Whitley

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  7. Dear Whitley - I discovered your blog just a few nights ago and read each and every entry much enjoying your writing style and creativity - to give a "back handed" compliment it was because you are that perfect mixture of girl next door combined with an illusive something in your looks that makes you relateable. You are providing a valuable service to someone like me as I am in my mid 50's and in dress look for inspiration to bridge the gap with my chronological age with the age I like to dress. I find your style gives me just the spark I need in knowing how to my best. I am sure I am not alone in feeling you provide a very needed service to like minded women. I think we all understand your feelings and honor that.

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    1. AraBella... WOW... I don't know what to say to express my gratitude for your comments here. Your words, alone, have given me great confidence, and I will keep this forever. Thank you for sharing with me the joy you get from tQCS, because I get so much joy sharing with you!! I am so delighted to know I give to you... please email me :) thequeencitystyle@yahoo.com Best, Whitley

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  8. Whitley...as someone who has known you in some way for about 20!!!! years, I know you are a wonderful person. Keep up the good work. Love seeing and reading your work. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

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    1. Whitney.... it really is hard to believe we have known each other in so many various capacities for so long, and I love that is the case! Thank you for your kind words. Merry Christmas to you my dear!

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  9. Precious daughter of mine..... you are pretty inside AND out..... just the way you are!
    xxx ooooo
    MOM

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  10. WHITLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    First of all, great comments from all (especially Suzanne and your MOM :)

    This is something I to struggle with as well. What's that Dr. Seuss quote? "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.” You just keep doing you. You blog because you love fashion, you blog to convince yourself that you are stronger than your insecurities, you blog because you are part of a community... a connection. You do it for you, and what you get from it are blessings. I've learned that when people don't understand something they judge it and try to make you feel bad about it. Nevermind them, sweet, beautiful, Whitley!!!

    Melissa

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    1. Melissa,
      Thank you so much for taking the time to share. You know how much I admire you. You are a strong, beautiful woman, and I am so glad the Charlotte blogging community brought us together. Thank you for being sweet!:) xx

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  11. Whitley, you put into words what I think so many of us feel. As a blogger, we open our world for everyone to see and judge. Very vulnerable, indeed. Some people get it, some people don't get it (and that's such a shame that the man who offered his two cents didn't have the foresight to see how that could be a hurtful thing to say). From a reader's perspective, I think you are doing a just lovely job of portraying your reality. And I always look forward to your blog posts.

    PS - I love your home posts too ... you are so talented in putting rooms together!

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    1. April... this has been heavy on my mind and heart for some time... It is very sad that I feel this way, but I do know and have come to realize more and more that the more you put yourself out there, the more opportunity there is for hurt. It is something only I can work to improve within myself, but with kind words from beautiful people like you, I think I will (hopefully! :) get there sooner than later. So grateful the CLT blogging community introduced us, and thanks for your kind words re: design... I do love it :). Happy Weekend Beautiful!

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  12. I always love your posts and honesty! Keep your chin up!!

    xo Ashley
    http://www.ashnfashn.com

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    1. Ashley, thank you so much for your kind words and for your readership :). Happy Weekend!!! Whitley

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  13. Hi Whitley! I have been reading your blog ever since you appeared on J's Everyday Fashion. I so admire your personal style because it seems very true to YOU. I don't see you wearing the trendy stuff that 80% of people who run fashion blogs buy just to fit in. I could never pull off a lot of the stuff you wear because I am a size 16/18, but I love looking at the way you put stuff together and accessorize - and I LOVE when you were clothing that belongs to your grandmother!! You have a style that is original and unique and lovely.

    As far as your very brave and honest post goes, I admit that I am guilty of getting annoyed by bloggers who portray this perfect fairy-tale life. Who always have beautiful new expensive clothes and take glamorous vacations and raise babies who magically sleep through the night and never cry, who seem to be perfectly and happily married to Prince Charming, who always have spotless homes and perfect manicures, who have never heard of credit card debt. I understand the motivation to only focus on the positive in one's life but if your blog is all rainbows and sunshine every single day, you just don't seem real to me. The fact is, NO ONE has that perfect fairy-tale life, and the bloggers who perpetuate it can make the rest of us feel like failures.

    All of that is to say that I really appreciate your honesty in this post and I appreciate you letting the imperfect side of things show. You seem like a truly beautiful woman inside AND out and I love reading your blog.

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    1. Hello! I wish I knew who the author of this comment is!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!! It is really exciting to know you found me via J's Everyday Fashion, and to be honest, I am flattered that I think you completely understand my attraction for personal and unique style. If I may say in a genuine way, I have heard similar comments to yours with regard to being inspired even if what I am wearing is not so much a fit for you personally. That is my favorite thing about fashion... there is so much room for interpretation! If you put something on, look in the mirror and feel good about yourself (who cares what others think!!) wear it! Thank you so much for sharing this with me. Thank you for sharing it all. With regard to your other words, I am very encouraged and grateful. You probably know I am not a big spender :)... I too look at other fabulous blogs and admire their gorgeous clothes that I know have a hefty price tag, but like me, I'm sure they have their own struggles, and I will not judge. Thank you, thank you. Please email me, so I can thank you directly.... thequeencitystyle@yahoo.com
      My Best, Whitley

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  14. One foot in front of the other and a first step here has been made. Welcome to the new normal. It never was nor will it ever be perfect and that is what makes it life. Where would we go, what would we learn if everything was settled? However learning to bear it to others takes practice and I think you'll find it's a supportive cushion to which you will settle onto afterwards.

    You have my love, support and yes, admiration... anytime and anyplace. Cheers to a future of growth, good shoulders (to lean on) and a feeling of contentment.

    xo
    nic
    mymannersandmoxie.com

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    1. Super grateful for your shoulders to lean on my gorgeous, beautiful in every way friend. xx

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  15. Oh, I love you too! You're great! I love your bubbly enthusiasm. I get that question about why I blog from time to time as well. Not in such a questionable tone, however.

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  16. Lovely post, it's always nice to hear a blogger (or anyone of that matter) that is put into a spotlight of some sort admit that they aren't 100% confident and assured of themselves. You are quite amazing though and have so much to give.

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  17. Psalm 139:15/1 Corinthians 15:10
    Whitley, you are exactly who God created you to be. Make no apologies for who you are and certainly not for who others might perceive you to be. You ROCK! From the crown of your head to the soles of your Kate Spade sling backs.

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    1. Cheryl, no words to describe how much I adore you.... so glad the Charlotte blogging community introduced us. You are awesome!
      Thank you :) Whitley

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  18. Hey Whit - you are amazing to bare your soul that way, and I congratulate you for it! I also follow it quickly with this - ignore the people who may judge you. Do your thing. Your passion shines through, and that is what people love. I think you are absolutely gorgeous (you have the same striking looks of Alessandra Ambrosia and Natalie Portman, but are your own unique and beautiful person!)

    And we all struggle with insecurities. Believe me, I have also had my share of them, especially in a world of deep-pocketed shoe businesses, where my pockets aren't so deep.

    But like the above post said, you are exactly who God made you to be, and by sharing your passion with the world, you are letting your light shine, and that is what each of us are called to do.

    So keep at it! I love you and I love your posts. It brings me great joy to see you so happy, and your style is so inspirational. You have a gift!!

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    1. Annie... lifelong dear friend of mine... you know how much I love you!!!!!!! Thank you.

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  19. Whitley, I know it can be hard as a blogger and believe me, the last year has not been easy. That man doesn't understand the work that goes into writing a blog or the inspiration that you are giving other women to find their own style. Making bold choices with your fashion and sharing your life is making a difference for others as they can find themselves a look that works. I am really sorry that you have been down and maybe soon would be a good time to meet for a coffee! Keep it up, my stylish friend!

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    1. Brittany, thank you so much for this! Your kind words and insight bring me confidence :)... I have a hard time understanding why people say things that they do.. I'm hearing a lot to this... jealousy, lack of understanding, envy... things that make no sense to me, but I am also understanding I have a lot to learn and understand about others actions and perceptions... It's a journey. Grateful for your taking the time to share this! Please email me directly.... I know more than one Brittany??! thequeencitystyle@yahoo.com Best, Whitley

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  20. Whitley, I missed this post yesterday, but I just wanted to stop and comment on how brave you are for sharing this post, I love the photos. I know we are all guilty of making judgements of others or assuming they have more of something than we do. Personally, I have only recently found your blog and I love it. Most of all, I've enjoyed getting to know you on here via our brief posts. Thanks for putting yourself out here for all of us to know.

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    1. Susan, thank you so much for taking the time to share this. It means so much... so grateful for your support and readership.
      My very best, Whitley

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  21. What that guy fails to realize is that we are not meant to understand or "get" everything. It is not an entitlement. If what you do makes you happy, then by all means go for it, especially if you aren't hurting anyone. This is your blog and I think you should share what you like. The purpose of it was for you to share,right? Focus on family yourself, family and friends. The rest, is what it is.

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    1. Hello! Thank you so much for taking the time to comment and share this insight. Please email me, so I may say hello directly! :) thequeencitystyle@yahoo.com
      My best, Whitley

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  22. I think you are a beautiful butterfly and am glad you share your fashion wisdom! You have a special gift and share it with others! We love you for doing that!

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  23. What a wonderful, honest post! You're doing an awesome job as a fashion blogger and mother! I see no caterpillar here!! Keep it up girl! PS That pic of you sitting with maybe your great grandmother is Hank with long hair!! Love it! Thanks for keeping it real! And Merry Christmas!!

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  24. Whitley, my sweet friend...you are incredibly talented and I am so happy you have found your passion here with tQCS. I know it is easier said then done when saying "don't worry about what others think..." and we are always our own worse critics. You are an original and so beautiful inside and out! You know I am here for you, I love you like you are my sister and I am so proud of you!

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  25. Oh Whitley, we have so much in common. What a wonderful post. It's funny, I don't mind being criticized by strangers, but as soon as it comes from someone I know, it's a whole different ball game. I think that's why I haven't shared the fact that I blog with a lot of people I know. I especially don't want people from high school or my past to find out because I know how critical and judgemental people can be. Whitley, you are such a beautiful person, inside and out. I truly hope we can meet in person one day very soon.

    xo Jenny
    www.crazystylelove.com

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  26. Hey Ms. Whitley,

    You've had so many great comments here, and I concur with all the accolades. AND, I want to say this: you DO have confidence in you! It comes through so beautifully in the photos you share with us each week, there is NO DENYING IT. So, you may not feel 100% confident all the time, which simply means you're not alone, 'cause none of us do, despite what we might like to portray. :) But I know...and your adoring readers know...you have a kickass, rockin', confident part of you that comes through strong and clear here. It's part of what we love and why we come back...it bolsters our maybe-not-so-strong confident parts and helps us believe we can bring ours out, shine 'em up a bit, and let 'em romp around this Queen City and the world! Along with all the fabulous and true things your peeps above have noted that we also get from you, we love the beautiful confidence that glows from your photos. So own your beautiful vulnerability. And own your kickass confidence. And own every part in between. We're all out here wrapping all of them in tons of love, and I know (most importantly) that *you* are, too. *Mwah!* L.

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  27. I'm so glad you shared, Whitley. I am the same way with being VERY insecure. I've also gotten the, "ooo. you blog?"...as in, "you take pics of yourself and post them so that others can see how lovely you are, right?"...which isn't my goal with blogging at all. In fact, I am terrified of people thinking that I am an attention seeker and only want to blog for selfish reasons. I think its great you put yourself out there like this.

    Cheers. :)

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